Have you seen Danielle LaPorte's new Burning Questions series? The question she sent out in the wee hours of the morning was...
What's your relationship to excitement?
Her story got me thinking about my own relationship to excitement, which I believe is the point of the series and her (most peoples) writing in general.
I can recall times in my life where I rode at the very tip of the excitement wave at all times. Some of those times the excitement met me at the shore with a hell ya, that was awesome.
Other times, expectation got intertwined with my excitement and when the wave didn't pan-out like I told myself it would my spirits got crushed and I felt as though I looked like a fool to everyone around me that I had shared my excitement with.
I know now that excitement is best served without expectation.
When a freakin-fantastic thing happens to get my internal unicorn magic bubbling, I sit in the glory of gratitude. Thanking the Universe for presenting me with this opportunity, in this moment. Not for what it will bring, might bring or might now bring.
But for the single, solid moment of pure joy - excitement.
And then I take a deep breath, open my arms up wide and soak in all the magic. Oh, and smile. I never forget to smile.
Prayers For Kinzli Grace 03/20/2012
Last night around 9:30pm The Mister and I got a call from his brother in-law to let us know that his sister was going into surgery for an emergency c-section.
She had a doctors appointment at 4:00pm yesterday. Her blood pressure was too high, they couldn't get it down and so, the surgery was scheduled.
She was only about 6 months into term.
We left our home and drove up to the hospital where she was where we met with friends and family in a tiny waiting room that soon over-flowed into three waiting rooms.
There were lots of prayers. Many tears. Hugs. Hoping. Wishing. Questioning. And a whole-lotta love.
Around 11 or so, perhaps a little later it was announced that Alyson was out of surgery. Her blood pressure was back to normal and in an hour or so, they would be taking her little girl, Kinzli Grace to Baylor in Dallas. Where they have an excellent NICU.
Right now, Kinzli and Alyson are both doing fine. Kinzli weighed in at 1.56 lbs. She's not expected to be out of NICU until June (around the original due date).
This is experience was a reminder to me that life can throw any kind of curve ball at you. We never know what we are going to get. But I am a firm believer that God won't give us anything we can't handle. I trust that.
Luckily the family has LOTS of friends and loved ones supporting them through this journey. The road will be a long one, but I have a feeling pot of gold at the end is going to be a big one.
Any and all prayers are welcomed and appreciated. ♥
Sometimes I Feel Like a Fraud 03/19/2012
I don't always have awesome days. And it's not just because of all the hormones surging through me. Even before I was pregnant my week was generally sprinkled with at least one or two off days.
No matter my mood, I'm always thinking about writing and sharing the magic of The Universe.
But in those moments when I'm thinking about what I want to share and still covered in a glaze of sad - I can't help but feel like a fraud.
All of the authors I look up to Marianne Williamson, Louise Hay, Danielle LaPorte, Marie Forleo don't seem to have a hair out of place.
And even though I know this isn't true (we all have our moments) that fraud sensation creeps in on me and I start questioning my work.
How can I share the magic of The Universe with my readers when what I really want to do right now is eat something deep fried with a soda and bitch about all the things that irritate me?
I've been thinking about this for a few days now, trying to figure out the fraud-feeling. Because although it's randomly there, I don't like it.
However, I feel I, we, all of us must come to terms with the fact that this is part of our human-dom.
Sure there are things we can do on a daily basis to lessen the burden of fraud-feelings. Meditation, green juice, creative practices, doing activities that feed our souls.
But when these fraudulent days sneak in, it doesn't make our voice any less valuable. It doesn't take away from the magic we are called to share.
It's just part of what is.
And when we take the time to question those fraud-feelings, it turns out they have something to teach us too.
Let go of judgement and just be.
PS. In just a couple weeks I'll be moving from this site to a brand-spankin-new-awesome Wordpress site! I'm super stoked. And for my launch day, April 1st I'm hosting a bunch of giveaways. Make sure you're on this list to hear all the deets!
On Wednesday I made my way to Half Priced Books, one of my most favorite places in the world. I finally picked up my very own copy of A Course in Miracles.
I'm only on page 9 and I'm already inspired.
In the first chapter, the course lays out some guidelines that define the meaning of miracles. One "rule" in particular caught my attention.
Miracles arise from a miraculous state of mind, or a state of miracle-readiness.
Particularly that term "miracle readiness" gets my cells vibrating!
It puts a new concept for being in my head.
I believe that miracles are constantly taking place all around us, every moment of everyday. We just don't always (sometimes never) choose to acknowledge them.
But what if when I woke up in the morning, with an intention for the day to live in a state of miracle-readiness.
What would that look like?
I think it would give me more energetic fuel. I would start the day inspired instead of looking for a reason to be. I would be engaged in life in a way that has be constantly seeking and witnessing magic.
What does miracle-readiness look and feel like for you? How would it change how you go about your day? How would your thoughts shift?
PS. In just a few short weeks I'll be moving my writing over to a Wordpress site. Don't worry, you don't have to do anything to stay subscribed. Just wanted to let you know some things will be-a-changin'!
Photo Credit: Lori Paquette
I met Ian through Nathan when I was about 19 years old.
One afternoon when Nathan's car was broke down. Ian and his friend Daniel came to pick Nathan up at the Starbucks we worked at. Something about instantly had me interested. He was mysterious. There was a quality he had that I couldn't quite figure out. And I liked it.
Another girl who worked at Starbucks with us had put in her two weeks notice and was throwing a party as a final hoo-rah for all of us working together. I told Ian he should go with Nathan so we could hang out.
When I showed up, he was there, hanging out in the garage, smoking.
I didn't smoke. I had only recently started drinking and I definitely had never done drugs.
I guess you could say in that moment, Ian was the exact opposite of who I was.
Later on I found out that we were both born on the same day, in the same year, in the same hospital.
This only deepened my curiosity and connection to him.
After the party, we spent the next 3 or more days together and from then on for the next 2.5 years we were inseparable.
I more than felt like we were made for one another - I felt like at some point and time we existed as the same person.
About a year after we were together Ian and I decided we wanted to move to Austin. We planned for it a month out and in October of 2006(ish) we packed as much as we could in the back of my Honda Passport, strapped my most desired piece of furniture to the roof and off we went to the city who likes to "keep it weird."
Through out our time in Austin we fell even more in love, at times we hated each other, we said things we didn't mean, went on adventures that thrilled us, found ourselves wanting more and still not wanting to leave one another.
There were so many beautiful, unexplainable things about our relationship and there were just as many heartbreaks, hard lessons learned and anger.
On February 20, 2012, Ian Barker passed away. He became an undiagnosed diabetic, had a seizure and passed on to another time and space.
He is the first person I've ever lost that played such a significant role in my life.
Though moments with Ian were sometimes hard, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
My time with him made me who I am now. I've never learned so much about myself in such a short period of time.
When I found out the news, I was heart broken. I hadn't spoken to Ian in about a year. The last time was when I was visiting Austin and met him and his girlfriend at a bar.
I remember sitting there, looking across the bar at him and feeling immense gratitude. When we broke up in 2008(ish) I had a lot of anger and love for Ian. But in that moment, I felt nothing but grateful for getting to experience life with him, and without.
I'm truly grateful now that I was able to have the last impression of him that I did. That sensation of gratitude I experienced while looking over at him is what I will choose to remember forever.
What brings me great peace about his passing now is knowing that he know longer carries the anger and self-criticism that he always had before. He is at peace with himself and the world. And I love that.
Ian, if you're listening, you are loved, cherished and celebrated beyond belief. Thank you for everything.
The Monday Flow, Yo: Releasing Control 03/05/2012
I know a lot of people who do their best to try and control the people/places/things happening around them (myself included). It's scary to think about letting go especially when we've been trying to control things our whole lives! But there are many pieces of being in the flow (releasing control) that often get over looked.
Let's say for instance that you are praying to your God/The Universe/Allah - whatevah - for more money to come into your life. You might or might not be saying out loud or thinking "Dear Universe, please let me make more money at work, I could really use the financial help." When you limit your request to "making more money at work" you're cutting off possibilities of manifesting money through the many other channels available to you. Even if you can't see how/when/where this "more money" might takes place doesn't mean it's not out there, on it's way to you.
You don't have to understand HOW something happens, in order for it to take place.
My dare for you in releasing control this week and living in the flow is to let go of your ideas for HOW you want things to happen in your life. I mean, if you're asking for peace and happiness, when it arrives to you, would you really care how it got there? Me thinks not.
Release control and opportunities will fall at your feet.
The Community: If you'd like to accept my dare, head on over to our Facebook Community and post on our wall sharing what you are releasing control of this week!
This weekend I went to Lewisville with my little sister to hang out with my Mom. We went to the mall, got manicures and did a little shopping. It was fun, as always when all three of us are together.
When I left Lewisville, I sent a text to The Mister letting him know I was on my way home (about an hour away).
Earlier in the day he had decided to go to a friends house that wasn't too far from where we live.
The night before I had mentioned that I would be home at 6:00pm - not too late. So if we wanted to go out, there would be plenty of time.
When I sent the text letting him know I was on my way home, I had high hopes in my mind of him leaving where he was shortly after receiving the text and heading home soon to meet me there. Then we could start our date night as tentatively planned.
When I got home, he wasn't there. I text him and from the sounds of it, he had no intention of coming home any time soon.
I was upset. My stocked up and over-flowing hormone supply had me crying as soon as he called me (knowing I was upset from the sound of my texts).
I wasn't speaking with him in a kind tone. He told me he loved me, my response was "okay". He told me he was sorry. My response was "That doesn't make me less angry".
I told him I wish he had communicated with me that he had intentions of staying out there later than he originally planned.
He had the car, I was stuck at home, still crying, upset and regretting how I had spoken with him on the phone.
Less than an hour later, The Mister arrived at the house. He left when the sun went down because he could no longer play horse shoes with his friends in the dark.
My eyes were swollen, my nose stopped up from a combination of crying and allergies, the anger still there a little bit but mostly, I was angry with myself for how I handled the situation.
After I calmed down and we found our way back to our group, we both apologized and things went back to normal. I'm lucky to have such a patient and understanding husband. I'm grateful for that.
Looking back, I can see clearly that all of the upset experienced on my part was attributed to the expectations I had of our evening. If I had let that go, lived in the flow more, (like I am always trying to do) there wouldn't have been any upset.
I would have said "Okay Babe, have fun with your friends! I'll see you when you get home!" And that's the kind of wife I want to be. Lesson learned. At least for now.
This will send you a fresh copy of my blog every time I write a new post and update you on special offers.