June Thirtieth Two Thousand & Ten 07/01/2010
What do I want? I mean really.. in this moment, for the next week, month, year, what do I want?
These past few days I have been in a funk. This funk was even more frustrating then the last funk because I felt like I was threw with funks. Looking at it from a realistic stand point- I will never be done with funks. They will come and go and the important thing is that I move past them.
When I get in my funks, I don't want to work. I want to sleep, feel sorry for myself and hide out in my cave. What I have been doing in the past is making this wrong and beating myself up about it. But where is the power in that?
I wish I had the resolution for these funks, but I really don't. I can only hope that the next time one shows up I will keep writing in spite of it's existence. Keep working as it haunts me and more than anything give it permission to show it's ugly face.
One thing that has come to my attention is that I have nothing I am really working towards. My entire life has been made up of goals and dreams. Right now I have no BIG goal.
Sure, I want to be a size 10 again. I want to be financially free and those are both BIG things- but not entirely specific. Do I need something specific to work towards to feel excited about it?
I find that sometimes I have a hard time being happy with what is. Especially when things are really great. Odd- I know. It is easier for me to be okay with life when there are bumps because I can create concepts to move around the bumps, over the bumps and sometimes through the bumps. When things are good... what am I suppose to be doing now? Is gratitude enough?
What a silly question.
June Twenty Nineth Two Thousand & Ten 06/29/2010
I wanted to share this video blog I did for Owning Pink with you all about what using Magical Eyes means. The message and movement is something that is very important to me. I hope the concept touches your heart. If you are receiving this message through the email subscription and the video didn't show up, click here to view. Thanks!
June Twenty Fourth Two Thousand 06/24/2010
It is 11:15 a.m. here in Texas and I feel accomplished. I finally found someone to provide our yard with their lawn services for a decent price, I have succeeded at getting the morning routine of my work done and I went for a 30 minutes bike ride through town with my friend.
I can certainly say, hands down, that my sense of accomplishment is coming from my bike ride workout. The hills were difficult to get up, I sweating like crazy and I felt kind of silly riding an (awesome) beach cruiser through town; but I did it.
I have been doing my 30 days of self love blog for 9 days now and haven't written a thing since day five. But today I feel inspired. After receiving a comment from Morana, the concept of what I was doing with this program took on a new light. (Thank you Morana!)
And even though I was pissed off and angry about having to consciously love myself doesn't mean that I have to stop writing. I can simply post that I was pissed off and angry! Now THAT is inspiring to me. Authentic expression with what we are experiencing. Even in the line of work that I am in, it surprises me every time how just expressing how we truly feel is often a last result. But when we get there, our solution appears and the wall is broken.
June Twenty Third Two Thousand 06/23/2010
If we look back at the end of each day to all the details of our lives we notice subtle clues that stand out about all the noise. I consider these coincidences acts of guidance from The Universe. Sounds pretty far fetched, right?
I use to think so too until I started acted on them. Once I did, things started falling into place. Life wasn't such a struggle and things came easily to me.
Today was my first day of the coaching program towards getting my certification. The first phone call I had this morning was with Monique Neeley. I coached her around starting her own Pink Posse in Jacksonville Florida. I then had a Pink Tank call and my group coaching call with Frame of Mind. After that I had a one on one call with Dave (the head coach of the program.) The Brawn called and I coached him around some work disputes, then Sara called and coached her around her relationship.
It is as if I acted on this calling I have and now that I have taken action conversations around this are gravitating towards me! Amazing.
What are you resisting that is trying to be created through you and what are you sacrificing because of your resistance?
June Twenty Third Two Thousand & Ten 06/23/2010
I was introduced to Alexi Murdoch not that long ago, but from the moment my ears were blessed with his voice I felt instant inspiration. I have shared his music with you here before. Today I would like you to press play on this song, turn the volume all the way up, lay on the floor, close your eyes, quite your mind and feel the love of the world pouring in on you.
Today I begin my first call with Frame of Mind Coaching. After a couple weeks of debate, the only reason I came up with to not dive into this certification program was the money. And as many of you know my conversation around money has not always been a great one, but I determined to change that.
The money will find me as I need it- really it always has, when I trust that it will show up. I surrender my finances in abundance to the will of The Universe.
I must say, I am rather excited about this new journey into discovery. Yes in the end of all of this I will come out with a certificate to coach others and make an income off of it. Do I feel like I need this piece of paper in order to do this, no. It is the tools I will gain from this experience that will help me not only to live my greatest life, but help others live theirs as well.
Needless to say, I am stoked.
Can I get a "woot, woot!"
June Twenty First Two Thousand & Ten 06/21/2010
Okay, I have to be honest. My behavior is becoming more and more apparent to me as things get better in my life.
I just got off the phone with Danielle Vieth; a rockstar for women's health and wellness. Danielle is part of Team Northrup which distributes Usana products and so much more.
A couple weeks ago I spoke to Danielle about a RESET program they had available. It wasn't until today that I made time to look at the product in it's entirety.
After watching the video, I was jazzed. The RESET is pretty much a five day cleanse that regulates and resets your system so that it is easier to make that break from sugar, enriched flour and so much more.
I decided I wanted to try out this product, so Danielle and I talked. The RESET kit is only $111. In my opinion, very reasonably priced for something that does so much for you in such a short period of time.
As we were talking and I was thinking of spending this money towards my health I had a flash of a thought, "but what it money doesn't stay as good as it has been?" And then I stopped myself.
Right now in my life, financially, things are amazing. We are paying bills on time, have money to put in savings and pretty soon might even have some to put towards health insurance! (HOLY HELL!)
This is what I wanted, this is what I hoped for, this is why the theme of my life this year is "Financially Free." And here I am living in fear that it will cease to exist.
It is no wonder that statistics show within five years of someone winning the lottery their winnings have diminished. It is as if we have been brain washed into this pattern of "being without" that it is a struggle when we have plenty.
Rather insane if you ask me. So I am taking a stand, from here on out every time I second guess my wealth, I will replace with the affirmation "in this moment, I am financially free," and take a deep breath.
Ahhh... I feel better already.
June Nineteenth Two Thousand & Ten 06/19/2010
Yesterday Sara and I took a mini road-trip to Austin for her first tattoo.
As we were driving out of Ennis we approached several LARGE fields of sunflowers. It was the first time I had ever seen something so breathtaking. I shrieked at the top of my lungs pulled over the car and ran out to the field to breathe in the wonderful beauty.
Some of the sunflowers were as tall as my sister and others were as big as my head. It was a moment of happiness, freedom, gratitude and awe.
Thanks Universe for making that happen.
Whens the last time you frolicked in a field of sunflowers?
June Fifthteenth Two Thousand & Ten 06/15/2010
I sit here at Stevi Loren Salon with my delicious cup of coffee eaves dropping on the conversations the stylist are having with their clients. In this moment, I am reminded of our extreme interconnectedness. No matter the age, sex or orientation of a person there is always a linear path from one person to the next. That line draws from the heart of each person and is directly connected to the divine.
When you get down to the nitty gritty of the our presence here on Earth it is clear that we are here to carry out the love of the divine through whatever skill set you have been blessed with (and believe me, we all have our own niche.)
The next time you encounter a person that you feel there is no way you can possibly get along with, remember that there are here on there own mission, to learn there own lessons and evolve in their own time, not yours. Remember that they are your brother, your sister. They are here to love you and you love them. We are all made from and of the same love, we are all the same energy, we are all one.
June Twelfth Two Thousand & Ten 06/12/2010
There have been a few different blog posts circulating in my head lately, but I am going to write about the one that is most constant in my life and that, would be the topic of how I feel about my body.
This is the heaviest I have ever been (with the exception of 10 extra pounds.) I have been saying that now going on for two years. Since December of 2008 when I realized I was incredibly uncomfortable with myself, I have done little to nothing to try and improve my situation. Sure there were weeks of extra effort to exercise and eat well. But the excitement of turning my diet around soon fades when that beer and taco are placed in front of me.
The truth is I don't really know how to successfully change my weight. Everyday I am disgusted by the way that I look, how my pants fit and how lazy I am at making an effort to change things. I suppose the upside to it all is that I haven't gone up in weight in over a year. Some would consider that a success. If I were counting little victories, I suppose I would to.
When I think self-care in terms of other people, if I were the support for a friend losing weight, I would shower them with love and celebration. Whether it be making the effort to go for a 15 minutes walk one day or losing percentages of a pound the next- I would be cheering them on. So why don't I choose to do that with myself.
I have been reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay and she believes that at the root of an situation that is not serving you is a lack of self love. I believe this is true as well. A while ago, on another blog I started and abandoned, I wrote about a journey of 30 days of self love that I was going to commit to and see how it went. That journey lasted a grand total of 2 days and ended in frustration.
These are the photos from "Ode to My Arms" that never got published. (Thanks @SteviLoren)
I am here today because I have decided that I will begin again, my 30 days of self-love to nuture my body, mind and spirit and see where it takes me. I have tried everything else, why not love? It is what I am all about anyways, right?
So here is stands, Monday, June 14, 2010 I will begin a journey of 30 days of self love and will write about it- right here. Wish me luck!
June Tenth Two Thousand & Ten 06/10/2010
Last night was my first night sleeping in the tree house. I feel as though I had an incredible full nights rest and had a bit of trouble waking up this morning.
When I did wake up I found myself incredible disturb by a dream I had been submerged in what felt like the entire night. I was bizarre, painful and clear as day. So clear, that it is now 2:30 p.m. and I can still remember every detail (unusual.)
It was Brawn and myself, we had just moved into our home and were buying it. There were still something we needed from a previous place I was living. There were two cats from my childhood at this old house. I gathered them in cat carriers. One of them was viscous, the other was very tiny. The old house I lived in was very cluttered. There was stuff everywhere.
After moving some of our things we went to the bar. I was outside the bar talking to friends and Brawn was inside. When I went inside to find him, he was sitting at the bar with some girl dancing on his lap. I was appalled. Felt like it was unusual behavior from him and questioned it.
The girl was defensive and snotty. I looked down and he had an erection. I pointed at it, angrily and said "what's THAT?"
After that Brawn character took on a whole new turn. He was a douche bag. Mean to me and the act of this left me in deep confusion and hurt.
I met up with Stephenie in the dream and one other friend that I can't remember now. I shared my story of what happened with them, crying. They consoled me.
Brawn broke the news to me later that he wanted to break up. I said, "what about the house we just bought?!" He shrugged it off and walked away.
I then called Heather who came over to comfort me and said, "well I guess we have to choose. Do we want to stay here or find somewhere else?" (Heather was planning on moving in with us.)
That is as much as I can remember of the dream.
So much of what came up is linear to my actual life right now (with the exception of everything that happened with Brawn.) I found it interesting how I reacted in the dream to the circumstances because if something like that were to actually transpire I would most likely be very pissed instead of crying.
Interpretation (from Dream Moods)
"To dream that your boyfriend or girlfriend is breaking up with you, indicates that your relationship is moving to the next level. In a way, it is an end to something; you are leaving some past behind. At the same time, it is the start of something new or better. It is important to remember that such a dream is not an omen that the relationship is not working out. As a relationship evolves and grows, it also changes."
Anyway, I am very thankful that was just a dream and nothing more. Still feeling a little nauseaous from it. Yuck.
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