June Thirtieth Two Thousand & Ten 07/01/2010
What do I want? I mean really.. in this moment, for the next week, month, year, what do I want?
These past few days I have been in a funk. This funk was even more frustrating then the last funk because I felt like I was threw with funks. Looking at it from a realistic stand point- I will never be done with funks. They will come and go and the important thing is that I move past them.
When I get in my funks, I don't want to work. I want to sleep, feel sorry for myself and hide out in my cave. What I have been doing in the past is making this wrong and beating myself up about it. But where is the power in that?
I wish I had the resolution for these funks, but I really don't. I can only hope that the next time one shows up I will keep writing in spite of it's existence. Keep working as it haunts me and more than anything give it permission to show it's ugly face.
One thing that has come to my attention is that I have nothing I am really working towards. My entire life has been made up of goals and dreams. Right now I have no BIG goal.
Sure, I want to be a size 10 again. I want to be financially free and those are both BIG things- but not entirely specific. Do I need something specific to work towards to feel excited about it?
I find that sometimes I have a hard time being happy with what is. Especially when things are really great. Odd- I know. It is easier for me to be okay with life when there are bumps because I can create concepts to move around the bumps, over the bumps and sometimes through the bumps. When things are good... what am I suppose to be doing now? Is gratitude enough?
What a silly question.
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