June Seventh Two Thousand & Ten 06/08/2010
I sit here in frustration, mostly with myself, but definitely directed at the banks. Toward the end of last month I had over $200 in over draft fees. This is not an unusual thing for me. It had been, however, several months since I over drafted in my account. I was stoked when I got notice in the mail that we could opt out of over draft fees entirely, simply by signing a form. I of course went in on June 2nd to opt out of the $38 NSF I so often get assigned when I neglect balancing my check book.
I signed on to my account today to level things out and on June 1st, I was charged and NSF even though it does not display in my account that I went over. The bank agreed to dismiss it for me, but still stated that I did in fact over draft. I think they took this opportunity as their last chance to try and get one up on me before they could no longer do so.
The bigger conversation at hand is money. It seems that has been surrounding me lately. Brawn and I have more of it flowing in lately and I am doing my best to manage it and put it where it benefits us most.
But to be entirely honest- money makes me nervous. I don't know if it is a conversation I am having with myself that says "I don't deserve it, I'm not worthy" etc. Or if I am poorly educated on how to handle money. Perhaps both.
As you know, we bought a new TV this past week. It is really nice and really expensive. All of a sudden I find myself paranoid about who shows up at the house, wanders on our lawn or knows about what we have and don't have. In the very moment that I acquire something of material value, I fear it will be taken from me.
I have no doubt that this is slight indication of a much deeper conversation I am having with myself subconsciously.
Also, I want to be a life coach. I found a program I am excited about and feel in align with. The cost of the program is $7,000 -$9,000. My first instinct was, I can't do this. But why can't I do this? Just because it has great value? Is it too good for me? Am I not capable of coming up with an extra $640 a month? What is stopping me from being wealthy and loving it? What will be the last straw?
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