It is the 6th week into my coaching program with Frame of Mind and I am just now getting around to cracking my shell wide open and digging out all the dirt that lives inside. It took me six weeks to get to this place, seriously?
I must admit, I went into the program with my head held high. I had the idea that I was there to get my coaching certification but what I chose not to acknowledge is that I was really there to work on me.
This conversation relates back to me being vulnerable. I found myself yesterday wondering why I was in such a icky mood. There was really no reason for it. The more I thought back the more I realized I live in a roller coaster state of mind, (my moods going up and down constantly.) Then a wave of brief, mild, panic settled in. What if this is the early stages of bipolar? ARE there early stages of bipolar disorder?
My family has a history of this dis-ease. It never occurred to me that I do, in fact live in fear of obtaining this dis-ease until a recent coaching call. Would a bipolar person realize the shift in their moods as I have? Would a bipolar person be able to consciously choose to shift their moods if they noticed a change for the negative?
I am not familiar with the way one acquires becoming bipolar or if they even "become" versus having it in their DNA. This is something I need to do more research on.
I do know that I am tired of living in fear. I dislike criticizing my moods if they are not 100% on the happy meter. I know that by questioning where I am and diving in deeper I give myself permission to discover a new piece of myself that is a catalyst for my personal evolution.
So with that said, when the moments of fear come a creeping in, I will choose to see how I can expand from the point of where I am instead of reverting back to my cave.
Grace, Expansion & Juggling,