About once every 3 months or so, I have an emotional tidal wave that shows up.
It's just how my spirit works. It's my cycle.
That doesn't mean I don't get sad when unfortunate things happen. Or happy when joyous things occur.
But for some reason during that moment every three months or so I am extra sensitive, more vulnerable and incredibly honest. (I'm not talking about PMS here, folks. This is bigger.)
My last "experience" was just a few days ago.
I was sitting in the dining room at Lacy's house and read this comment from a friend on my blog post....
I know that you know I read your blog all the time but I never leave any comments! I just think them in my head and go along with my day...But for this I had to comment! I have never been so excited for a baby to be born! I can't wait to meet this little awesome bundle of a miracle and be a part of her/his life! Im so glad I'm a part of yours! I love you bestie! <3
and I started BAWLING. Hysterically. With noises and snot - I mean, the whole works.
Luckily I was there alone (aside from the pooches) so I just let myself carry on. Sometimes you just need to get it all out.
At one point, I remember thinking - "why are you crying like this?"
The answer came to me in a flash.
I was mourning.
Don't get me wrong.
The Mister and I are more than thrilled to be having this little one.
I know it will be a powerful, joyous, love-filled spirit put here to play a big role in the world.
But I'm also a little scared and sad.
My whole, life, my only priority has only ever been my own happiness.
But now, my needs and wants (to some degree) will be taking the back seat to this wee one.
I know I will find my own kind of balance, but it's still scary.
Will I lose my wild, entrepreneurial side?
Will I still be driven in my business and personal evolution?
Will my relationship with The Mister still be as amazing as it is now?
So ya, I'm mourning a bit.
Mourning the way things have been. Who I have been. Who we have been as a couple.
I have no doubt that everything will fall into it's own lovely space, just as it should.
But the mourning is still necessary.
After-all, it's okay to be sad about change. But it's important to remember we have no idea the miracles and beauty that lie ahead.
And boy oh boy, are they something to be celebrated! Known and unknown.
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